WILT : Reaching burnout

The harsh reality and harsher truth i faced while trying to become more productive..

I was stuck at step 2 of my productivity planning these days.

The first month or so, I was able to work on increasing my productivity and found that the small results which i achieved made me feel better at the end of the day. But having a 9–5 job where all of a sudden you need to meet a certain criteria by an earlier deadline, that took a bigger toll on me than what i expected.

I thought this is just temporary and soon i would be able to work on improving myself on weekends like i used to. Then I started waiting for fridays unconsciously. I wanted weekends to come sooner so i can chill instead of worrying about work. I watched movies, web series, Youtube any other form of entertainment to keep myself stress-free. Every now and then, my mind reminded me of my own words — “What happened to being more productive?? Were you lying?? Are you all words and no action? I expected better from you. I guess THANOS was right when he said ‘Reality is often disappointing’. I was guilt-ridden for not keeping my end of the bargain.

I often prided myself as a hard-working man and that i can continue working hard no matter what happens. But life has a way of making you realize ‘no matter what happens’ does not apply in every case because “things go from good to worse very quickly”. And when they do, you try your best to not give up or give in. I did the same. But my efforts did not produce successful results. I started losing concentration. My focus started wandering off. I took a short break to prevent my brain from overload.

When i came back, the truth finally sinked in. It is not possible to work on myself today. But day one of the weekend was gone already. Trying to be positive, I found solace — It’s a new day tomorrow…I will be fine if I start over again. or so i thought. Well, What do you know! I got back on track and started working myself. However, it did not take long to get sidetracked(guilty as charged!). Panic started to kick in. I hate giving up and giving in to my weakness. I was angry at myself for quite a while. I used focus techniques, meditation techniques, went for a walk, everything i could(i think?) to get back on track. I failed.

I failed miserably. Not only was i unable to progress, every time i started something, i was absent minded in a few moments. I watched reels every few minutes. and eventually, I stopped. This is not working. I understood that the more i tried to work, the more my conscious was rejecting.

Although it took some time to admit to myself, I came to terms with myself to stop feeling guilty for trying to take a break from everything.

Realization made me feel better, albeit a little bit. Sometimes, even the smallest things take the utmost effort — a great lesson!

Accepting that I failed took a lot of courage. “Denial is the easiest way of getting out of a situation”. I did the same. I denied myself of the failure. I denied that it did not take much to break my resolve. A bit far-fetched? maybe. But honest? absolutely. I never cared much about who thinks what about me. Nevertheless, I needed to steel my resolve to write about it, put it into words. And this gives me a sense of relief.

Point to remember : It might hurt to fail. But it’s okay. Failure is the proof that you tried. And most people don’t even start with a fear of failure. So be proud of yourselves for taking the first step. And I reiterate — Baby steps, people, baby steps is all it takes.

Until next time, PEACE!!